i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
