you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
