Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i was born a porn star she said
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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