Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
