What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
