If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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