she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
