i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
