On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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