It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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