rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
