his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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