Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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