Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
