you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
