I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
