I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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