On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
not ubering you a puppy
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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