i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
