i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
