Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
