Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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