it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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