Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
