I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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