Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
