so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
