oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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