I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
