you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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