dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I understand Curling. That high.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
