oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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