i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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