I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
