I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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