So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
