why didn't you poke me back
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
