have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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