4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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