I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
