Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
