i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
