I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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