The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
