if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
