I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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