he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
