Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
