Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
