my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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