I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
