He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
