??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
what the fuck happened to the tacos
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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