You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
