In America we eat man semen.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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