Her vagina should come with caution tape.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
