he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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