The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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