Michael Bay diarrhea
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
