I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
