i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
