oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
