I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Ladies don't puke and tell
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
