did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
