I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
