I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
