I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
