we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
