God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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