I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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