i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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