Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
