My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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