So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
