she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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