if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
