thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
