he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
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