her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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