i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
