Too much gin, very little bucket
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
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