AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
