why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
