I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
