this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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