You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Mom said you looked used
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
