She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
