Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish you could order shots online.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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