Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
