So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
