You're completely useless in the revolution.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
