They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize